Breaking Point

I am feeling depleted and defeated. On the depleted front I worked back to back on call shifts (14 hour days), wasn't able to take my thyroid medication for several days (problem at the pharmacy), had a horrid and continuing bout with some flu (lost 3 lbs in a couple of days), and am just finishing my monthly cycle. The combined effect is that I am very beat, my body is drained completely at the moment. So I was already teetering on the edge from my body failing me when I got a call from the boys' preschool teacher last night. Would it be too much to expect that she was calling to say how well the first week went? That the kids are darling and loveable and clever? Yes, that would be far far too much to ask. She called to say they are so disruptive they may not be able to continue at her school. That they are loud, they scare the other children with their outbursts, and they fight with each other. Was this a surprise to me? Of course not, I am their mother I have fought this battle with them day in and day out for years. When I met with their teacher to sign them up for school (like 6 months ago) I discussed my concerns with her. I told her their problem behaviors and why I was worried they would not be able to do well in preschool. She told me they sounded like normal 3 year olds and they would do great and learn and grow a lot. I took her at her word and put my concerns on the back burner for a while. I guess she must have thought I was exaggerating or something. It's not like I don't know my kids are difficult. Anyway, then for the next hour she gave me an impromptu parenting class. She highlighted all the things we must obviously be doing wrong as parents and suggested a new routine for the kids, from a completely different diet to a new discipline plan. Most of what she said we have heard and have tried. We have read the books, we have taken the classes. We have worked very hard at helping the boys behave. And honestly, they are SO much better than they used to be. We have good days and bad but I felt like they were really progressing. I have never worked so hard at something to now feel like a failure. I hardly feel like I can face my kids if I have failed them so badly. I got off the phone and cried and cried. I am not a very emotional person as a rule, but remember I was also physically depleted before the call. And not sleeping all night last night thinking about it hasn't helped much either. We have agreed to try her plan even though we have done it before and I feel it has some problems in it that will be hard to overcome (if you don't have twins, doubly naughty twins, it's hard to understand the difficulties that presents). Because she met with a "professional"--the husband of her team teacher who is a doctor and travels the country dealing with behavior problems--and this is what he said. Having never met us or the kids. Also does it seem wrong on some level to have a conference about your kids without you present to anyone else? So, let's just say I am feeling very low today. I am feeling like either I am a horrible parent and have already crushed my children's future or maybe there is something more to the story. I want to get them evaluated to rule out other issues. The teacher didn't think that was the problem, but I have wondered about it for a long time. I am not sure the process this will involve but I need to know for their sake if there is any underlying developmental or behavioral problems so that we can address them appropriately. Not that that would make me feel any better but it would be good to know. I am frustrated, sad, mad, and really feeling flat. Oh and now I need to stay with them if they are going to go, my short lived freedom has passed. I keep having flash backs to when they were born. When my dream of having 2 healthy little babies placed on my chest was replaced with tubes and wires, vents, 2 NICUs, and leaving the hospital alone. I was just thinking maybe that had some good to it, but really it just started out lousy and went downhill. Hoping this has a better outcome.